One thing that has always intrigued me about the Church is the apparent need to organize friendships. In every other area of our lives, people find their own friends. But, for whatever reason when it comes to church, we think the church needs to find us a friend. -- Tony Morgan
My own experience validates the truth behind this statement. It is not uncommon for me to interact with people that expect me to find them friends. It can come in a variety of forms. An individual that has attended our church for a couple years decides it is time to join a home group and they expect me to get them connected. A person approaches me to start a small group of their own and expects me to provide them with people to get started. I recently received an email suggesting that I plan a few social gatherings exclusively for single people to meet other single people within the church.
What strikes me as a bit unusual about this general pattern is that it assumes that I am more proficient at finding people friends than the individual(s) making the request. And this assumption simply is not true. People are generally able to enter into meaningful community with other individuals when they begin with the people they already know. The opposite is also true. People are generally less likely to enter meaningful community when I connect them to a group of people with which they have had no previous relational interaction. I say generally because there are certainly exceptions to the rule. But it is sort of like the difference between an arranged marriage and falling in love with your spouse through mutual intentionality. Sure, arranged marriages can work, but most people prefer not to have their marriage partner decided on their behalf.
I think part of this expectation for the church to provide us with friends is rooted in our common desire for relational connectivity. We all crave relationships. It's part of our DNA (Gen. 1:26-27). Moreover, we know that the church is supposed to be a community. We are supposed to be connected. And people aren't supposed to be lonely when they are in community. And so isn't it natural to expect the church to fulfill our relational cravings? I think the answer to this question is YES. But, I think where we get off track is by transferring the responsibility or making that YES a reality onto the shoulders of just a few. I am all for thinking of strategic ways to make intentional Christian community a reality in our church. Please don't misunderstand me. As an individual that oversees a network of small groups, I have strategically put systems in place to help people get connected. But the fact of the matter is that people will not be able to fully engage in true community until the desire for that community is shared by everyone within the community. In other words, the responsibility to assimilate new people into Christian community rests on the shoulders of everyone within the community--including those seeking it.
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