The Search to Belong

Every once in awhile I like to post a book review on a publication that stimulated my thinking. I recently read The Search to Belong by Joseph R. Myers--a book devoted to rethinking the nature of community and the role of small groups within the church. The main reason this book stimulated my thought is because it proved to be different. Every year dozens of books are published on small groups that essentially say the same things as the books from the previous year--they just employ more contemporary and relevant language (like "organic" or "missional"). The Search to Belong does not fall into that category. The reason I found this book so intriguing--despite my many qualms with it--is because Myers essentially calls into question the effectiveness of small groups with regard to building Christian community.

Here is what I found most insightful...

Myers applies four social "spaces" to community and belonging--public, social, personal, and intimate. To have a sense of belonging, he argues that we need relationships from each one of these spaces--but not equal amounts. We need more public relationships than social ones, more social than personal, and more personal than intimate. I thought these four "spaces" provided a helpful way to think about the different dimensions of community--despite the fact that Myers borrowed the framework for these "spaces" from someone else. Myers' argument challenged me to consider what it would be like for the church to become more intentional about providing ways to connect in each one of these spaces to help foster spiritual growth. And I think Myers is absolutely right that small groups cannot provide connection in all four spaces. They tend to be more effective in providing social and personal connections--and in rare cases--are able to provide intimate connections.

While I found Myers' overview of the four "spaces" very helpful, I found many of his assertions and conclusions to be frustrating and highly problematic. Here are some of the arguments that I found to be most troublesome...

First, in the opening chapter, Myers labels several ideas that many presume to build community to actually be myths. He argues, for example, that geographical proximity (being closer to those you know) does not help build community. He labels this widespread belief a myth. The problem is that this belief, as well as the others that Myers' mentions, are not myths at all. While they certainly do not guarantee community, they undoubtedly play a role in building it. It is an overstatement to suggest otherwise.

Second, many of his arguments--if not most--were primarily based on anecdotal argumentation. That is to say, he wasn't building on systematic reasoning, but rather, providing isolated experiences and stories to build his case. Unfortunately, one could put together a different series of isolated and independent experiences of their own and draw the exact opposite conclusions (and many actually have). While I recognize the role of stories and experiences to support an argument, relying too heavily on them inevitably produces a weak argument--especially in this case, when counter experiences and stories are readily available.

Third, and this was my biggest frustration with the book, Myers repeatedly made the assertion that belonging to one space is not more significant than belonging to another space. And on the basis of this assertion, he argued that we shouldn't try to move people toward more intimate forms of belonging. I just flat out disagree. I do not think that the different spaces of belonging are equally significant. And because of that, I want to see people move from public, to social, to personal, to intimate. So, I will continue to encourage it in my speaking, teaching, and through the community structures we provide at our church.

Fourth, Myers elevated "connection" as the basis for belonging rather than Jesus Christ. It seems to me that even if I am in a small group with people that I lack natural chemistry with, it is not the chemistry we share that ultimately makes our group successful or meaningful. Jesus is the bond that holds our group together. Myers neglected our call to learn how to love and walk alongside other people simply because they belong to Christ.

Fifth, I thought that this book lacked pastoral depth. I get frustrated with books written by people who assert themselves in an area with which they are not professionally engaged. It's sort of like reading a book on discipleship by someone that has never discipled anyone before. The fact that Myers is not a pastor, but speaking in a confrontational tone to pastors, worked against him.

Let me close by offering two reflections about why small groups often feel forced and often fail to deliver on the promise of community--one of the main complaints throughout the book: (1) I think part of the reason small groups fail to deliver or feel overly forced is because we live in a culture that is very busy and full of distractions. Most small groups, therefore, don't consist of people doing life together day in and day out, but rather, function as one more commitment in additional to all their other weekly commitments. Trying to expect genuine community to take place through a once a week gathering is like trying to grow grass in the middle of winter. It won't work. (2) Another reason why small groups tend to disappoint is because we have come to expect too much of them. Churches that try to be a "church of small groups" often place unbearable weight on their groups. They expect their groups to be the primary source of community, the primary context for discipleship, mentoring, and apprenticing, as well as the primary catalyst for outreach and evangelism. Such heavy expectations will undoubtedly lead to disappointment.