Building True Community

One of the critiques I often hear about small groups is that they rarely go very deep. Small groups, it is argued, tend to be rather superficial and artificial. People don't really self-disclose or open up to one another. And when someone does take the risk of opening up and sharing at a deeper level, it feels awkward and uncomfortable for everyone present because deep sharing isn't the norm. The value of vulnerability is not in place for most groups. And as a result, either knowingly or unknowingly, most groups decide that interactions should stay on the shallow side of things. They decide to keep it casual and light and thereby fail to go very deep.

At the heart of this critique of small groups is the assertion that small groups fail to deliver on their promise of true community. But do they? I believe the answer is both yes and no. Yes because anyone that has ever been in a small group can relate to this critique. The plain and simple truth is that many groups do stay at the shallow end of the pool. They are unwilling to venture out into the deep end and risk swimming in the waters of true community--which ultimately requires deep sharing, vulnerability, and enormous risk. But no because groups that go deep and experience true community undoubtedly exist! This simply cannot be denied. There are groups out there that have established deep sharing and vulnerability as the norm. There are groups out there that really do life together. So what is the difference between these groups that do and do not experience true community? The difference is whether or not the group is willing to risk all that is required to progress through the stages of building true community. M. Scott Peck, in his book The Different Drum, provides an overview of the four stages required for a group to build true and deep, meaningful and significant community.

Pseudocommunity

The first stage of development is known as pseudocommunity. The basic characteristic of pseudocommunity is that group interactions are based on pretense. The group essentially fails to interact honestly for the sake of preserving an allusion of peace and cooperation. Differences amongst group members are ignored or overlooked. Everyone is pretending that everyone gets along fine with everyone else in an attempt to avoid conflict. Pseudocommunity is artificial, superficial, shallow, and inauthentic. Unfortunately, many people who think they have true community in life have actually just settled for pseudocommunity--many small groups included.

Chaos

When a group realizes that pseudocommunity is not true community, they stop their pretending. They begin to open up about their differences rather than ignoring them. They recognize that people within the group have had very different experiences and hold different opinions. The problem here is that the foundation for handling and processing these differences constructively is not yet in place. Rather than creating a richer group experience, the sharing of these differences typically results in chaos and conflict. When differences surface, group members try to fix each other or convert one another to their way of thinking--often resulting in more chaos and conflict. In this stage, the group will experience friction and tension. There is no way around it. And at that point, group members have a choice to make. They can either go back to the pretense of pseudocommunity or take the next step toward true community.

Emptiness

How long a group will stay in chaos depends on how quick they are willing to move toward emptiness. Thus, emptiness is the most important stage of community building. The basic characteristic of emptiness is the willingness of each group member to empty themselves of the destructive behaviors they bring to the group. Group members are willing to rid themselves of everything that is contributing to group chaos and standing in the way of true community. Group members decisively let go of things like unfair judgments and prejudices, attempts at control, manipulation, healing, fixing or other hidden agendas. They truly seek to understand one another--including their differences. And rather than being upset by these differences, they begin to celebrate them--knowing that these differences, when understood, can actually enrich their own lives.

True Community

True community is essentially the maintenance of individual and collective emptiness. Group members continually do the work that emptiness requires. When layers of pseudocommunity or chaos resurface within the group, members move toward emptiness quickly and efficiently knowing that emptiness is exactly what is required for true community to be restored and experienced. The goal of true community is not group consensus or the obliteration of differences, but rather, the acceptance and celebration of differences while pursuing a common goal.

The establishment of true community depends on whether a group is willing to do the hard work of progressing through these stages. Do shallow groups exist? Absolutely! So do shallow marriages, families, friendships, teams, neighborhoods, work environments, and so on. But notice that none of this counts against the fact that true community can be built and maintained within a small group environment. It simply means that small groups need to be willing to endure some chaos and tension before moving forward. And how fast a group will move forward is directly contingent upon a group's collective humility--the kind of humility required for establishing an environment of maintained emptiness.