Eat THIS for Breakfast

I’ve never been much of a breakfast guy. 

And I know this isn’t good for me.  They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day because it jumpstarts your metabolism and sets you up for a win.  Breakfast is supposed to be your biggest meal.  I get it totally backwards.  I typically eat a tiny breakfast, a medium sized lunch, a big dinner, and then a ginormous snack.  I could easily skip breakfast without even noticing. 

Ken Blanchard says that feedback is the breakfast of champions.

Assuming that breakfast is the most important meal, then this feedback thing must be pretty important.  And it is.  It is absolutely critical that you have a strong sense of how other people experience you.  And you will only know how other people experience you if they actually tell you.  Getting solid feedback gives you what you need to grow and become more effective.  Feedback is what helps you identify and build on your strengths.  It’s what gives you the courage to take risks.  It’s what prevents you from making unnecessary mistakes.  And it’s what keeps you humble (I know from experience)!

Now, the tricky thing about feedback is that it comes in a variety of forms. 

Some feedback is like a snake bite. 

It strikes out at you unexpectedly and it’s intended to harm.  Its only purpose is to cause pain, to wound.  Snakebite feedback stings, stings awful.  I recently had someone write me a rather loaded email.  In it, this individual listed all kinds of alleged mistakes and missteps that I had made.  They then contrasted these mistakes with their extensively superior skills and experience.  At first, I wanted to throw up in my mouth.  I seriously got sick to my stomach and wanted to crawl into a hole.  But then as I began to really assess the accusations, I found myself laughing hysterically and uncontrollably to the point of tears.  And I learned something important in that moment.  See, we all have received feedback like this occasionally.  And it’s no fun.  But laughter helps, a lot.  Bill Hybels says that even with this kind of feedback, you should examine it to see if there is a kernel of truth.  Maybe.  But the key with snakebite feedback is to recognize that the person offering it to you is not for you.  They are for pointing out your mistakes, often in incredibly unfair ways.  And when that happens, sometimes the best thing you can do is just recognize it for what it is…it’s not your friend.  So don’t let it define you.  Turn and walk away. 

Other feedback is like a blowfish.  

It’s intended to puff you up.  Blowfish feedback is congratulatory and positive.  The problem is that it doesn’t deal in the commodity of reality.  Like a mom who thinks her five year old is the next Beethoven, this kind of feedback is very positive but far from objective.  On rare occasion I will get this kind of feedback after I speak.  Someone will come up to me after a sermon and say, “That was the best message I’ve ever heard in my life.”  They mean well, but they obviously haven’t listened to many speakers.  The reason blowfish feedback is dangerous is because it’s nice to hear.  But please understand that it is not your friend, anymore than snakebite feedback.  Sure, the person giving it to you is for you (arguably too for you), but it’s not designed to actually help you grow.  So long as you are leading or adding value, you are going to have some fans and some critics, but be careful not let either define you. 

The best feedback is like a good wife / husband.

You have to search for it and seek it out.  But when you find it, you don’t let go.  Unlike the two other kinds of feedback, this kind of feedback isn’t intended to hurt you (although it might hurt, at first) or puff you up (which it most certainly won’t).  The primary reason why is because the person giving you the feedback is genuinely for you, for your growth.  Simply giving you applause won’t grow you.  Nor will bashing you and pointing out everything you do wrong.  The best kind of feedback carefully balances the two—encouraging your strengths and applauding your successes, but also challenging weaknesses and specifying opportunities for growth.  Just a few weeks back I experienced this kind of feedback.  I asked someone that I trust to give me feedback on one of my messages.  And they did.  They started out really positive, highlighting a number of things I did well.  I felt encouraged.  Then they pointed out a few different areas where I could have done things differently and more effectively.  It was a little scary at first to open myself up to this kind of feedback, but it proved invaluable.  Pretty much every area of improvement that was pointed out was totally legitimate.  And rather than walking away discouraged or deflated, I walked away energized—with a new focus for the future.  It was great!  This kind of feedback is your friend.  This is the kind of feedback you should let define you.           

There are different kinds of feedback.  And it’s really important to be able to tell them apart, especially when you are on the receiving end.  But there are also different appetites for feedback.  And it’s really important to be able to tell these apart as well, especially when you are on the giving end. 

See, different people have different appetites for feedback.

There are a variety of reasons for this.  Some people probably don’t think they need it.  They pretty much think they are awesome sauce, God’s gift to humanity.  Narcissistically obsessed with their own greatness, they ignore all feedback that would suggest otherwise.  Generally speaking, you don’t want to waste your time or breath giving feedback to people like this.  It’s simply not worth it.  Other people are just scared of feedback.  It’s not that they think they are awesome.  It’s not that think they suck at life either.  It’s just that not being perfect makes them nervous.  So they avoid feedback as much as they can.  Generally speaking, you want to be extra careful giving feedback to people like this.  Make sure you give it in an encouraging way and make a positive experience out of it.  The more they experience feedback positively, the less they will fear it and the more they will invite it.  Lastly are the people that welcome feedback regularly.  These are the champions.  It’s not that they aren’t confident people.  They often are.  They know their strengths and abilities and talents.  But they also know they don’t have everything figured out.  And so they ask for help.  It’s not that they aren’t scared when they ask.  They get scared like everyone else.  It’s just that their desire to grow outweighs the fear of what they might find out.

I don't know about you, but I really want to become more of a breakfast person.