I imagine one of the worst kinds of pain a man can experience is being kicked in the balls. Ladies, I know we men don’t understand the pain of childbirth. And let me tell you, having witnessed two, I am sure childbirth is much worse! Yikes! But getting hit in the groin really sucks. And the fact is this: life will sometimes kick you in the balls and leave you gasping for air while you lie on the ground in the fetal position. I am speaking metaphorically, of course.
The past two months has been one of those times. In January my wife and I welcomed our second child into the world—a baby boy named Kieran. He is an absolute delight. He really is. But there is just one exception—whenever we are attempting to feed him. Which, by the way, happens quite often for infants! About two weeks into life Kieran started to resist feedings. He would pull back, arch his back, and scream his head off. He would refuse to eat anymore. We pushed through this behavior for a few weeks, but things got progressively worse. Instead of it happening maybe once a day, it became increasingly frequent. Multiple feedings per day would end with screaming and a refusal to eat. We finally called our pediatrician and we put him on a reflux medication. It didn’t help. Kieran continued to refuse feedings and we would spend more and more time each day trying to get him to eat. I am talking like 12-15 hours a day between the both of us. Meanwhile, we were getting more and more exhausted—both physically and emotionally. To make a longer story shorter, we were able to get Kieran in for an appointment at Children’s Hospital a few weeks back and they ended up admitting him to the hospital as an inpatient. They did a variety of tests, but were not able to find anything definitive—which is both good news and bad news. The good news is that nothing major is wrong. The bad news is that we still don’t know what is going on and we are just going to have to wait and see if he outgrows whatever it is that needs outgrowing. After a four-night stay at Children’s, we were able to bring Kieran home with a nastrogastric (NG) tube. We now feed him what we can through a bottle, but the rest goes down the tube to make sure he gets the nourishment he needs. We’ve seen some improvement, but only time will tell. Our prayer, if you are into that kind of thing, is that Kieran would eat consistently enough to be able to take out the NG tube.
The past few months has reminded me of the importance of expecting the occasional kick in the balls. It just happens. The economy takes a turn and you are out a job. The marriage you thought was strong begins to crumble. Your kids make poor decisions despite all attempts to bring them up right. The doctor has yet to call you back to give you the biopsy results. The biopsy results came back and it is cancer. On and on I could go. The point is that life will deal us some blows. It’s inevitable. And when we are dealt a blow, it is vitally important that we have room in our theology to work through them. Otherwise we end up blaming God, our hearts grow hard, and our passion for Jesus begins to wane.
Here’s some good news and some bad news. I’ll start with the bad news.
The bad news is that life will arbitrarily kick you in the balls without explanation. Life is arbitrary and enigmatic. It doesn’t always make sense. And trying to make sense of it will only leave us more frustrated. Why is that our friends experienced a miscarriage and we didn’t? Why did my dad, who works out regularly, get cancer and my neighbor, who never works out, didn’t? Why did my friend die in a car accident while the person who caused the accident walked away without a scratch? These are difficult questions. And the fact is we will never be able to provide a complete answer. We can’t possibly know or understand all the variables that shape the particular moments of our lives. But what we can do is learn to expect these moments. Knowing that life will arbitrarily deal you some blows, without rhyme or reason, better positions you to absorb the negative impact they have on your life.
That’s the bad news. The good news is that you are not alone. And I mean that in two different ways.
First of all, there are always other people around who can relate to what you are experiencing because they’ve been through something similar—perhaps something even worse. I can’t tell you how many people, as we’ve told them our story and the challenges we are facing with Kieran, have shared their own story with us. Many parents we’ve been talking with have been up against much worse and they’ve survived. Their kids are now healthy and thriving. No matter what you are going through there are other people that can relate to what you are up against. There are other people that have been through a divorce. There are other people who have lost a child. There are other people who are out of a job. Leaning into these people, while it will not solve the pain of your problem, will help you work through the pain you are experiencing and give you hope. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for the friends and family that have surrounded us during this time and the people that we don’t know who have entered our lives to provide assistance—emotional and otherwise.
Secondly, and most importantly, remember that God is with you. He is right by your side. He’s involved in the details of your life. Now this may initially be more upsetting than comforting. After all, if God is involved in the details of my life, why am I experiencing this pain in the first place? Why won’t God just step in and take this pain away? Why won’t he fix this situation? These are normal questions to ask. And depending on your theology, you’ll arrive at one of several different theological conclusions. I’ve got my own way of processing through this stuff theologically. But regardless of your theological convictions and how you solve such problems, the end game should be a deeper trust in God. God can handle your questions. He can even handle your anger and doubt. But the end game is always to trust that God is at work behind the scene—in ways that are not yet obvious. So many people, when they face trials in life, pull away from God rather than lean into him. The other day I was praying and I got a picture of God’s hand holding my house. I sensed God saying to me, “Mac, I’ve got this. I’ve got you in the palm of my hand. Trust me.” Pulling away from God is always a mistake. Trust God always—even during the hard times.
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