The Jenga Jar

My oldest son has developed quite the bedtime routine.  It’s borderline OCD.  Each night we have a whole slew of things we need to do and almost all of them need to be done in the same order and in a specific way.  We go potty.  Then we put on PJs.  His diaper has to be just right—not too tight, not too loose.  Then we brush teeth.  First he gets to do it “all by myself” and then we take our turn and floss between his teeth.  Then we get his room ready—which consists of shutting the shades, turning his fan on to the third notch, turning on his sound machine to the “waterfall” sound and the right volume, and finally making sure his nightlight is on and secure.  We aren’t done yet.  Then we go to the kitchen and put duct tape on his thumb.  Yes, I just said that and let me tell you, it’s breaking that thumb-sucking habit wonderfully.  We also apply a strip of duct tape to the top of his PJs so that he doesn’t take them off in the middle of the night.  Then we go into his bedroom and read two Bible stories of his choosing, rehearse the gospel message, pray together, and sing two songs.  The routine ends with him in bed with his star pillow, his stuffed animal named Siggy, and two blankets in just the right place.  The entire process, which we’ve admittedly enabled, is absolutely exhausting!!!

 

Recently, despite all the standard bedtime rigmarole, our son has been resisting bedtime.  We get done with the routine, turn out the lights, and two minutes later we hear him screaming for a drink of water, a hug, or some other unusual request that has nothing to do with bedtime.  So my wife and I have been putting our heads together and strategizing as to how to get him to go to bed compliantly.  The most recent strategy we’ve implemented is an incentive program involving Jenga pieces and a jar.  When our son goes to bed compliantly, he gets to put a Jenga piece into a jar.  When he fails to go to bed compliantly, and depending on how bad his behavior, he either fails to accrue a new Jenga piece or has to take one out that he previously earned.  This program has also been extended to other areas of non-bedtime related life (ex. sitting nicely at the dinner table, treating his younger brother with respect, and so on).  If he accrues seven Jenga pieces he gets an ice cream cone with Dad at McDonalds.  So far it is working pretty awesome!  

Last night I was prompted to read Psalm 128 by a devotional guide I’ve been using for several years.  The first verse of the psalm says, “Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him” (TNIV).  The rest of the psalm then reinforces that one sentence.  So I sat with that first verse for a couple minutes and all of a sudden I had this thought, “Mac, how is your Jenga jar doing?  What areas of your life are fully surrendered to God?  In what areas of your life are you walking in obedience or disobedience?  In what areas of your life are you being non-compliant or holding out on God?”  A combination of Psalm 128 and the Jenga jar led to a great heart-check moment with God.   

And it really is all about the heart.  The purpose of the Jenga jar, at least the way I see it, is to use behavior to evaluate the heart.  You see, many people might be tempted to take this blog post and think they just need to work harder on better behavior.  “If I just behave better and fill up my Jenga jar, God will love me more.”  And look, behavior matters.  There is no doubt about that.  But I want you to know that God is not first and foremost concerned about your behavior.  God is primarily concerned about your heart.  You see, a right heart leads to right behavior, but right behavior doesn’t necessarily reflect a right heart.  Get it?  So it’s not that behavior is unimportant.  It’s that behavior is a reflection of the heart.  Understanding this needs to inform how we relate to God, one another, and parent our children.  It’s never about simply getting your kids to obey the rules.  It’s about cultivating a heart within your kids such that they desire to obey the rules.  The same is true for each of us. 

So how is your Jenga jar – your heart – really doing in relation to God?