Hot & Cold

The other night we were at a birthday party.  It was a first birthday.  I absolutely love first birthdays.  There is something special about them.  The parents feel a sense of accomplishment for having made it through the first year.  As cake time gets closer, anticipation builds.  Watching a child’s first encounter with cake is priceless—and messy and hilarious.   

The house was packed with people—family members on both sides, friends from different seasons of life, and our entire home group.  At one point in the night, everyone left the room except for our home group—leaving just the eight of us (we were missing one couple).  Every couple in our home group has two kids ages three and under.  Naturally, we all began to talk about the challenges of parenting.  We started swapping stories.  They started cute.  Funny things our kids had said or done in the past few weeks.  Then things got sarcastic and a bit whiny. One parent in particular complained that they’ve really been struggling with their oldest.  “He’s just so hot and cold!  One moment he is sweet and great.  The next he’s an absolute terror.  Sometimes we don’t know what to do.”

There was a moment where everyone nodded as they could relate.  Most kids—especially toddlers—are hot and cold.  But then I had a realization that popped into my head and I ended up blurting it out before I could apply my filter – “You know, I tend to be fairly hot and cold as well.” 

There.  I had said it.  And it was true.  There are moments when I am an absolutely brilliant dad.  Like when I make pancakes for everyone on Saturday mornings or set up the tent in the basement and camp with the kids. 

The other night I had a brilliant moment.  Our son Tighe started crying and yelling after we had put him down to bed.  Normally this makes me angry for a number of reasons—the main ones being that it is just a stall tactic and it is tapping into my precious alone time.  When I put my kids down for bed, I really don’t want to see them until tomorrow.  Sometimes I literally count down the minutes until bedtime.  So Tighe is yelling and screaming from bed and I go into his room.  Now, typically I would have been short and firm with him.  “Tighe, we’ve talked about this.  It’s bedtime.  I love you.  But it’s time to go to bed.  Good night!”  But this time, I said in an almost angelic voice, “Tighe, what’s the matter, buddy?”  He was upset because we threw the bubble wrap away from a package we received earlier in the day.  “I know that’s a bummer, Tighe.  But all the bubbles popped so we had to throw it out.”  And then, using my angelic voice again (it seemed to be working), I asked, “Hey Tighe, what do you say we go back to bed now?”  Guess what he said!?!  “Sure, Dad, that sounds good.”  I couldn’t believe it.  The whole episode lasted less than a minute.  When I closed the door, Josie was standing in the hall and looked at me with amazement.  “That was awesome!” she said.  “You handled that really well!” 

There are moments where I am brilliant. 

And then there are other moments where I totally blow it...

A few nights ago we were driving home from a friend’s house.  We had a fantastic night.  We made homemade pizza on the grill, laughed, and told stories while our kids played together.  We were driving home with our kids in the back seat when I noticed a hot air balloon off in the distance.  Knowing that Tighe loves hot air balloons, I announced it to the family – “Hey everyone, look at the hot air balloon over there!”  Big mistake!  The hot air balloon was rather far off and fairly difficult to spot.  All chaos ensued as Tighe couldn’t locate the balloon.  “Where is the hot air balloon?  I can’t see the hot air balloon!  Dad, I can’t see the hot air balloon!  Where is the hot air balloon?  I can’t see the hot air balloon!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!”

Me: “Tighe, the trees are covering it up right now.  Wait a minute.”

Tighe: “The trees can’t be covering it!  I want to see it now!  I can’t see it now.  Dad, where is it?  Dad, where is the hot air balloon?  Dad, why did it go behind the trees?  Dad, I can’t see the hot air balloon.  Dad, I want to see it.  I want to see it, Dad!!!  Dad, hot air balloon.  Dad, hot air balloon.  Dad, hot air balloon.” 

Me: “TIGHE!  IT’S BEHIND THE FLIPPIN TREES!  I CAN’T MOVE THE TREES!  YOU SHOULD HAVE LOOKED IN THE DIRECTION I POINTED.  I CAN’T LOOK FOR YOU.  THAT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!  GET OVER IT!!!”

Tighe:  “Dad, hot air balloon.  Dad, hot air balloon.  Dad, hot air balloon.”

Josie:  “Mac, why did you have to point out the hot air balloon?”

Me:  “BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WOULD LIKE IT!!!  JEEPERS!!!”

I lost it!  I literally started to hit my forehead with the palm of my hand while driving down highway 16.  Luckily, no cars were passing me at that moment.         

I am convinced that if every house with young kids had a hidden nanny cam, most parents wouldn’t want anyone else to see the footage.  Our kids are hot and cold.  So are we.  And that’s okay.  It’s great when you have a brilliant moment.  But don’t expect to be brilliant all the time.  What an impossible weight that would be to carry!!!  You are going to be inconsistent.  You are going to struggle.  You are going to be hot and cold.  And, truth be told, you will lose it every once in awhile!!! 

Next time you lose it, next time you are driving down the highway hitting your forehead looking for a hot air balloon with the entire family yelling, remember this: God is patient and loves you.  He’s never hot or cold.