Hibachi in the Woods

It is important to have a codeword for sex, because sometimes you need to talk about sex when your kids are around without them knowing.

As a church, our codeword is Yahtzee. 

Josie and I use the codeword Hibachi.

A few weeks ago I went for a run at the end of my workday.  Sometimes I like to workout at the end of the day because it gives me space to clear my head before being present with my family.  So it’s about 4:30 in the afternoon and I am running down a path near my house.  It’s gorgeous outside.  The sun is shining, but it’s not too hot or too cold.  It’s perfect.  The path is busy.  So I am hugging the right hand side to avoid getting hit by a biker.  I’ve got my ear buds in and I am listening to a sermon.  I am minding my own business.   

At one point on this path there is a grassy trail that breaks off from the main path.  It does a little loop and then circles back.  Now, I don’t know how much I typically pay attention to this path.  Most of the time I probably run right past it without giving it much thought.  But today was different.  I am approaching this path from the north, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I notice someone on the trail.  It’s a female and I could tell immediately that something wasn’t right.  My initial thought was that she might be hurt or had fallen down.  So when I reach the trail, I run a few yards down the trail to see if I can help.  Big mistake!  Right in front of me – maybe 50 feet or so – is a couple making hibachi.  I froze.  And I didn’t know what to do.  Do I yell something?  “Hey, stop that!”  What do I do?  They hadn’t seen me yet.  Apparently they were preoccupied.  So I decided I would get back on the path as quickly as possible.  As soon as I made that choice, another thought popped into my mind.  “What if someone sees me fleeing the scene and thinks I was watching?”  I was stuck.  “Why don’t they make Covenant Eyes for running?” I thought.  “Then, I could prove my innocence!”  Luckily no one saw me. 

I couldn’t concentrate for the next several minutes.  The sermon I was listening to became white noise as I tried to process everything I had just witnessed.  I felt violated.  I was scarred, maybe for life.  “But at least it’s over,” I reassured myself.  The problem was that my running route is an out and back.  In other words, I’d have to run past the grassy trail on my way home.  I decided I would run a little further than usual with the hopes that all the hibachi making would be over by the time I returned.  On my way back, as I got closer to the trail, I got nervous.  And then the moment came.  Just as I was about 20 yards from the trail, two people walked onto the main path and looked right at me.  It was the hibachi makers.  They were a young high school couple. 

When I got home, I told Josie everything I had witnessed. 

She was shocked and mortified just like me.  She runs with our boys in her double jogger stroller along that same path.  We spent the rest of the night going back and forth between expressing disgust and thinking about the funny things I could have yelled.  The best one we came up with was, “Be careful, it’s tick season!”

The whole incident has been hard to forget. 

The more I’ve dwelt on it the more heavy my heart gets.  I think it captures the direction our culture is moving with regard to hibachi.  For sure, these weren’t the first high school students to fire up the hibachi grill prematurely.  That’s always been going on.  And it always will.  But I am alarmed at how casual people approach hibachi nowadays.  It’s no longer considered sacred.  It’s no longer about the mingling of souls committed in covenant.  It’s just about the mingling of body parts and physical pleasure.  What a distorted, superficial, shallow, and damaging picture!

The amount of couples living together prior to marriage has drastically increased.  One of my best friends is an 80 year-old who has been in ministry for 50+ years.  He can verify.  An alarming number of wedding requests I get are from couples that already cohabit and are sexually active.  “It’s good to try things out,” they often reason.  “We have to make sure it is a good fit.”  For others it’s often about finances.  “It’s just cheaper to live together.”  The interesting thing is that it might actually be more costly.  Secular research shows that couples that cohabit prior to marriage actually increase their chances of divorce.   

Look, I know I may sound old and outdated right now, but I don’t really care.

Being culturally progressive is cool, but not always biblical.   

Hibachi is about more than body parts.  It’s about soul connection.  And soul connection shouldn’t be entered into lightly.  Perhaps this is why God wants an exclusive, life-long, covenant commitment in place prior to turning on the gas burner.  It provides a safe environment for people to get undressed, to bear their souls, to connect, and be intimate.  Without the safety of covenant, souls get trampled and kicked and mangled.   

God is not a prude. 

Hibachi was his idea.  Hibachi was his invention.      

God didn’t put parameters around hibachi to make us miserable.

God put parameters around hibachi to protect us, to keep us safe.