Letting God Between the Pipes

Have you ever been so tired, so burned out, so stressed you just want to crawl into the fetal position and cry? 

That’s pretty much been me over the last month...    

Usually I do okay if just one area of life gets out of sync.  I simply make some adjustments to compensate and then get back on track.  But over the past month the two biggies have both been out of sync—home and work.  Things at home have been absolutely nuts, mainly because of sickness.  I got sick.  Then my boys got sick from me, both with ear infections.  Then our oldest had an allergic reaction to the antibiotic used to treat his ear infection.  He was basically one giant hive, and his joints got so swollen he couldn’t walk for over a week.  Then, just as things were starting to look up, Josie got sick too.  Simultaneously work started picking up pace—all with good stuff, but just lots of stuff.  And gradually I started to lose my sanity, consistently engaging life from a place of depletion rather than rest.      

I think most people who engage life with any degree of passion get burned out every once in awhile.  There are things you can do to prevent burnout, of course.  There are boundaries you can put in place, certain checks and balances.  You can intentionally schedule times for rest and recovery.  But even then, the pace of life can sneak up on you unexpectedly and leave you gasping for air.  Sometimes there are variables totally outside of your control that will put you over the top no matter how good your boundaries.  This is why you will never be able to figure out or maintain perfect balance in life.  Life is constantly changing and shifting, and therefore, demanding different levels of engagement on your part.  In the end, balance between work and rest, output and recovery, is an ongoing tension that needs constant attention and tweaking.    

So, question:

What do you do when, despite all reasonable attempts to live at a healthy pace, you still find yourself gasping for air?

Answer:

Ignore your default setting

Here’s my default setting…

I amplify my efforts.  I push harder, work longer, and try to step up my game.  I go on high alert, becoming hyper-focused.  I get obsessive and even paranoid about variables and outcomes.  I analyze things from every angle.  I think things through over and over again.  I try to ensure that nothing gets past me.  In short, I get intense, real intense.  And the more intense I get, the more things that I know provide relief and recovery begin to slip in my life.  Because I can’t turn things off, I start sleeping less.  My mind simply won’t shut down.  So I go to bed later, get up earlier, and sleep lousy in between.  I skip working out and times of prayer because they don’t seem “productive” enough.  I’ve got a lot to do, after all.  I spend time eating right out of the pantry—whatever is convenient and easy, rather wise and healthy. 

All of this, of course, is wildly counterproductive.  Scientific research actually shows that regular exercise, consistent sleep, and eating right significantly reduces stress.  When you find yourself stressed, therefore, you should actually place a greater priority on these things no matter how “unproductive” it feels to do so.  You’ve got to resist the urge to let seemingly unproductive, but very important, practices slip away out of sight.    

Now, increased pressure in life sometimes calls for increased effort.  I’ve got that.  But sometimes increased pressure is self-inflicted.  What I mean is that we often put more pressure on ourselves than needed or even required.  We become self-reliant and self-sufficient, attempting to carry the weight of life circumstances on our own.  And this is my main problem.      

My default setting to amp up actually pushes God out.

And this default setting has been in place for years.  Growing up, I was a hockey goalie.  So whenever things got intense, my job was to go on high alert, get hyper-focused, and make sure nothing got past me.  I was the last line of defense.  But I am learning that when I bring this same mentality to life, it gets me into a lot of trouble.  Sure, increased pressure sometimes requires increased effort.  But often times I increase my effort because I am depending only on myself, as if I am the last line of defense.  And I am not!  A lot of the things that stress me out in life aren’t even things I can control.  No matter how much I amp up, it won’t make any difference.    

And so here’s what I’ve been doing to manage this busy season of life.

I am inviting God to stand between the pipes with me.  I am reminding myself that I am not alone in goal.  I am not the last line of defense.  While something might get past me, nothing gets past God.  Sure, I might need to give increased effort or pick up the pace in some areas, but even then it’s not all on me.  God’s got it.  I can trust him.  And if I do need to do something, he’ll resource me with everything I need.  So rather than amping up my efforts, I am amping up my faith, my trust, my dependence and reliance on God.  I still feel a bit tired, exhausted even.  But I am starting to sleep a lot better at night.